Faith,  Life,  Reality

So what’s next?

the_burgundy_and_ivory_ribbon_by_ryu_ren-d5wug3bThat’s the question I keep hearing these days. I finished radiation and chemo in early September and let me tell you, they took it out of me. I felt miserable. Honestly, it wasn’t the chemo that was so bad for me. It was the radiation. (Every doctor kept blaming the other thing – that was somewhat funny.) I ended up in the hospital over Labor Day weekend because of the side effects of radiation. I couldn’t quit vomiting. I hurt. I coudn’t breathe well. I was miserable. My time in the hospital was a definite mix of good and bad. I won’t go over the bad any further than to say that it reignited some of my anxiety issues.

So now that I’m done with them, I’m healing. I’m spending every day trying to get rest and still get back to normal. We started homeschooling the kids again. I’m up early to work the first few subjects and then my husband comes in while I go to nap. I use the word  nap quite loosely. It really is me just going back to sleep – sometimes for hours.

My body is really messed up from all of this. I know that’s an obvious statement but every day I’m seeing how much. The other night at cell group one of the children asked my daughter if she’d brought her grandmother. Yes – they were talking about me. That was hard to take but I had to laugh at it. If I didn’t, I would cry. I know I look different. I was never really vain before but now I see how much I’ve changed and that’s tough.

I’ve been given permission to eat but the majority of my nutrition is still coming from my feeding tube. I have been given permission to eat but that doesn’t mean I can instantly eat. I have to re-learn how to do a lot. My mouth was full of sores during radiation/chemo so some foods are out just because they are hard on those sores that haven’t healed. Some are out because I was required to get rid of all of my molars so I can’t chew well. Some foods are out just because I can’t control my tongue well enough yet.

I’m trying. I’ve never been good at exercising but now I’ve got all sorts of mouth exercises that I have to do and those are odd. I’m speaking okay but the eating is holding me up. I know now that it is up to me. I can eat whatever I can make happen and I’m trying to work on that.

October 29th, I have a PET scan. That’s a big scan that will tell us I’m cancer free. I’m believing that after all of my work and struggle. So my life is really on hold right now for a few weeks until we get the results from that scan.

The ribbon that you see pictured here is the ribbon for this type of cancer. The colors are burgundy and white. We really don’t have the advocates that breast cancer awareness do, so I’m trying to get the word out. I found this picture on DeviantArt from artist ryu-ren. I’m glad that this person took the time to make it.

So right now it’s rest, recover, and wait. I appreciate you all waiting and praying with me as I try to get back to normal. It’s  up and down but I’m getting better every day. Thanks for sticking with me.