I posted this yesterday on my Facebook page (I had too much happening to even attempt to get it over here!) But now I have a little time, so I thought I’d share. 🙂
This is a long update, but stick with me. It turned out to be a mini blog entry that I just don’t have time to put in the blog right now – so putting it here! LOL!
So I’m not gonna lie. Yesterday was a really tough day for me. I had just wrapped my brain around a plan, gotten the kids settled on what the next month would look like and literally just decided it was okay to let down the stress and take a nap when there was a knock on the door. It was code enforcement. One of our neighbors had called them to complain about what was left standing of Ryan Lochtree. (For those who didn’t hear about Ryan, one of our trees decided to do a header INTO our pool the first week of September. And it was a massive, huge, monstrous tree. It covered the entire inground pool!) Even though we ‘topped’ the tree so there’s nothing up there, they told the city that it was going to fall on their house. (The code officer didn’t see that thankfully! The tree isn’t going to fall and it went into the subesequent report stating that!) However, the backyard ended up having a list full of code violations that we weren’t aware existed. Minor things really. Indoor containers outside on our back porch. Brush piles in a couple of corners. Things like that – but they’re minor little things all over the backyard so that makes it a bigger issue. The code officer said “I don’t see a problem with the tree at all. It was an anonymous call so we don’t know who called, but someone around here has an issue. The tree is fine, but I need to make note of all these violations. You have 30 days to repair, clean, fix, etc. ” Now that was A LOT of grace cause normally they give seven days. But I explained about hubby, the surgery, how he can’t move – etc. So we got some serious grace there. But after the code officer left, I confess I broke. I’d been holding on to all of everything and feeling a bit like I was on a high wire and juggling flaming axes. This was like a leak in the dam. And once the tears started, I couldn’t stop for a while.
At the end of the day though, (around 5:30) I got a call for a new movie. I start in an hour and a half. It’s for one month and it’s not a ton, but the income is enough to cover some repairs and the holidays. That took an incredible load off of my shoulders.
I have no idea how the schedule is going to run. For the next month, I will be handling the homeschooling, home repairs and working. Oh and taking care of the lion in the cage while he recovers.
Yesterday morning, this popped up into my memories.
I don’t think it clicked with a lot of people at the time, but at the height of Jon’s injury right near the end of his career, things were bad. Really bad. This simple status update is honest, but it sort of skates over how hard things were. For about a year or so around this time, I would get up at 5, do my Beyond the Buzz work, pack lunches, and herd kids into the car, drive Jon to Lackland and homeschool the kids from Starbucks or the food court or even, on a lot of days, from inside our van in the parking lot. There were reasons for that – you can see some of them in the blog I posted a week or two ago about Jon’s surgery. Then we’d come home at the end of the day, I’d care for him, do dinner, etc – and stay up til midnight or so finishing Beyond the Buzz work. On this particular day, according to all the status updates, I even did an hour long live radio show from inside the van with the three kids.
We’ve been through hard before. I think sometimes once we get through the hard, the memories can get fuzzy. Sort of like labor pains. You know it was hard and you have your stories, but you really don’t REMEMBER if that makes sense. I’m not tooting my own horn here. I don’t really think I did any of it spectacularly well. I think I just needed the reminder from God that we’ve been through tough things before and we survived.
This surgery – the next 7 3/4 weeks – that’s the end of the scrambling. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If he wants to, he can go back to work. Or start a business. I don’t have to be in charge of home repair or maintenance after this. It’s going to be so much better. I just need to be obedient to where we are and manage not the circumstances, but my response to them. That won’t be through my own strength or power. God’s got this. He knew about the surgery, the circumstances – even code enforcement. (Though seriously I really could have used that nap!) He’s providing for our needs. He’s got it covered. I just need to follow the path He’s laid out. The Bible says He orders our steps. I don’t have the fortitude to look beyond the next step or ahead on the path. Trying to do that would probably end up in another dusty old weird bottle of whiskey appearing at my bedroom door right now. But I have enough for the next step. And I can see it clearly. For a while I couldn’t. But now there’s a light on it. So I’m stepping forward.
Two dear, sweet, wonderful friends have set up a meal train plan for us that will help us (hopefully!) until Christmas. I know that seems like a lot, but we’re pretty much buried right now so the meals will be invaluable to us. Thank you to those who have reached out via message, text or email. It’s so very appreciated.
The dark times are over – we’re shaking it off. Satan’s trying hard to keep our eyes off the next step and the light at the end of the tunnel. He wants us in the dark and confused/scared. But we refuse to get caught up in that. (Hey, you know I could probably put together a whole spiritual dynamic on the code enforcement rules and satan/the law. Hmmmmm….LOL!)
The next seven + weeks are going to be handled in small bites. One day. One hour. One minute. We’ve got this. No seriously – check that. He’s got this. I’m just gonna take the next step.